LIFE

It is opening weekend of the NFL season. Life has meaning again. Football. Gambling. Beer. Liquor. Wings. Hoagies. Chili. Watching TV from 11am (NFL Countdown) until midnight on Sundays. Screaming at the TV. Punching walls. Violence. Happiness.

Death.

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CONTACT WITH THE LORD

i was online the other night, and i have an entry on my buddy list for "WABORITA", which i believe may be lord sammy himself. i've never seen it online however (sammy doesn't need mortal communication methods like AIM or telephones to get his message across). Well, the other night it was online and I attempted to make contact with our lord and saviour! and below i provide proof!!!



now, you might be thinking "well, if it was really sammy, wouldn't he have acknowledged you for all your hard work and dedication towards spreading the cabo wabo gospel??"

well, unfortunately, my AIM buddy name is not "toughnuts" otherwise i'm SURE sammy would've recognized me and thanked me and invited me to his house in cabo and share a drink of tequila with him and his family and michael anthony!!

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I AM SO FUCKING SMART!

in the last 2 days, i have been superfuckingtrashed. in that time, i've developed TWO groundbreaking million dollar ideas!!!! they say that humans only use 10% of their brain, i probably only use about 1% cause the other 99% is constantly focused on killing manbitches and getting really fucking hammered. despite this, i am still able to generate million dollar ideas while others can't even fucking use their turn signal!!!! it is a good thing i am around to kill them! ok, that said, let's get to the idears!

first. the bizarro microwave! have you ever bought beer at the store (not from the cooler) only to get home and realize you have no cold beers waiting in the fridge? i have. usually, i would have to put some beers in the freezer and wait 15-20 minutes before i could enjoy an ice cold pacifico. OR my super-alcoholic tendencies would kick in and i would just end up drinking it warm cause my body craved the alcohol. well, NO MORE!!! you know how microwaves heat stuff up quick? well, it's just the opposite with the bizarro microwave. 30 seconds? cold beer. 2 minutes? a tray of ice cubes. fucking crisp an cold.
because, if you'll all recall my first attempt at making waboritas, i was ice cube deficient! with the bizarrowave, that would no longer be a problem!!!!

second idea. they have TV cards for computers. but your computer has to be near a cable outlet if you want to watch TV on it! WE LIVE IN THE WIRELESS AGE, FUCKOS!!!! so! i have developed a device that sits between your cable box and your TV that can encode and stream the TV signal to any wireless-equipped laptop within range. i call this device THE GREATEST INVENTION EVER FUCKING INVENTED! right now, i'm upstairs in my room typing this...i don't have a TV up here, or a fucking cable jack! fuck that shit, wires are for pussies! what if i want to bring up a window and watch some tube while i blog away? I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT! THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY (for now...until Lord Sammy takes over and turns the nation into one giant agave farm!)

ok. go ahead and say it. i am awesome.

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BOTTLE SURPLUS?

here's a somewhat strange and possibly unnecessary question but one i need my fellow cabomasters' advice on.

as you all know, we're moving in 19 days. i have kept every cabo bottle that i've consumed. do they make the trek to the new house? i might feel weird when we're moving and my dad says "what's in this box?" and i tell him "the 30+ bottles of tequila that i've had in the last 14 months." and then he'll say "what?" and then i'll have to kill him!

please advise.

i'm trashed.

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CABO DREAMS!

the lord appeared to me in my sleep last night. i had a dream we were back at the VH concert and they were playing 3 sets (?). so in between the first and second set we went down to my car to get beer and bring it up to the suite (ok, so none of this makes any sense yet). but they took a really short break and went back on when we were down at the stage level, so me and my friends stopped and started watch the show down there, we just happenned to be right next to the stage on the floor. they started playing A.F.U. from OU812 and sammy was running around like a madman and running into the crowd and back and forth on the floor. finally he came to our side and ran a little bit up the steps right next to me...so i just start yelling "CABO WABO! CABO WABO!" (it was the only thing i could think to say) so he comes down and gives me a hearty handshake and says "I know you! cabomaster tough nuts. Cabo Wabo. YES! NICE!" (sounds uncannily like something LordSammyBot would say) and gets back onstage!

Once again, like my dream a few months ago, it seemed that Sammy knew of the cabomasters and was grateful for the work we do. i know this will one day be true.

on a semi-related note, on my way to boston last weekend, it was a fucking hell-tour drive. i was in fucking connecticut for 3.5 hours. it sucked. anyway, in hour 7 of my drive, i was nearing my destination but was angry and ready to kill. so i'm flipping through the stations and what do i hear but "CABO WABO"!!!!! how fucking often do you hear THAT on the radio? fucking never! it was surely a sign from the Lord saying "be strong, cabomaster. you can make it. and if you do, i will reward you!" and he DID...with that tequila bar in boston!!! sammy saves.

THANK YOU SAMMY!!!

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THE RETURN OF CONVERSIONS!

man, it's been a while, but i made THREE conversions in the past week. we'll start with the ones last saturday. i was up in boston filling on bass with some band. saturday afternoon i'm walking around boston bored as fuck and i run into the drummer and guitar player from the band, so we walk around a little more and i say "well, it's time to get trashed, i'm going into this tex-mex bar." they had to go get some shit but said they'd be down in a bit!

so i get down to this place (it's in the basement), and i had sort of investigated it from the outside a little earlier while i was looking for lunch but figured it was just another touristy, generic mexican place. man was i fucking wrong! i go in and sit down at the bar and order up a pacifico (which, right there, is major points that they have it!) then i look straight ahead and stare at one of the best tequila selections i've seen on the east coast (#1 would be that tequilas place where we went for tequila night, but this was not far behind). of COURSE, they have cabo. but not just cabo wabo reposado. they had cabo wabo blanco, reposado AND anejo! fucking awesome. what else? don julio blanco and reposado. herradura seleccion suprema ($35 shot). chinaco, corazon, cazadores...a bunch of shit i can't remember. and, much to my delight, the cuervo was tucked away on the bottom shelf practically hidden behind the register! JUSTICE!

at this moment, i'm thinking "ok, there goes all of my earnings from this weekend" and proceed to order a shot of cabo reposado. then the drummer shows up and we start talking and it turns out he's a tequila fan, but had not tried the cabo wabo. i convince him to get a shot and he enjoys it immensely! and orders another! conversion #1.

the guitar player shows up and HE too is an uninitiated tequila fan! so he takes a look at the tequila list and orders up the cabo wabo anejo! conversion #2! with ease.

luckily, the club we played at that night was right across from this place, so in between sets me and the drummer went over there and did cabo shots. fucking SUCCESS!!!!!

the other conversion took place at the van hagar show that the cabomistress and i went to see last wednesday (i'll post full details, well...what i remember, of that tomorrow). i've been trying to convert the drummer from my old band over to cabo for like a year now. he means well, but he is the typical uneducated convert-to-be. he always e-mails me about how he goes to chilis or don pablos and gets thir house margaritas and how awesome they are. and i fucking yell at him for being a fucking screwhead dolt and try to tell him that cabo is the way, and if he doesn't change his ways soon, he will not be rewarded by lord hagar in the afterlife! so after a year of missed opportunities, i decide what better place to perform a conversion than in the parking lot outside a van hagar concert?

this was a last minute decision, so preparation was frantic. i had to go home, buy cabo (with money i don't have), buy limes and get ice. then i squeezed the limes into a plastic water bottle, put that, the cabo, the marnier, the curacao and the martini glasses, shot glass and shaker in the cooler and be on my way in under an hour. traffic blew (as traffic always does. death to all). picked up the cabomistress and headed to the venue. parked. my friend was running late, so me and the cabomistress enjoyed round #1 of the waboritas (and round #s 1 & 2 of cabo shots). he shows up so i get out of the car (oh, it's raining) and start to make the waboritas out of my trunk. a crowd gathers to catch a glimpse of a cabomaster in action...sort of like houdini escaping from a tank or some shit! my friend couldn't believe the proportions of tequila to lime. i told him "there's more fucking tequila in this than in those bullshit 40oz margaritas that those fuckshits make for you at chilis." and then i yelled at the gathered crowd "YOU ARE THE REASON THAT THERE IS TRAFFIC! MAY SAMMY STRIKE YOU DOWN FROM ABOVE!" my friend takes the first sip, the rain ceases, the clouds part and a beam of light shines down from above to where i am standing. a voice booms "thank you my son. thank you for spreading my word. you will be fully repaid in the afterlife."

my friend is converted and declares the waborita the greatest drink he's ever tasted!

we then proceeded to get superfuckingtrashed!

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ONE YEAR LATER

hard to believe, but today is the one year anniversary of my first waborita ever! prepared by cabomaster radkow.

it is truly a time to reflect. when i took that first sip, i could never have predicted that my life would be so drastically changed. i had no idea that cabo wabo and lord sammy would proceed to inform my every decision and desire! a lot has been accomplished in my first year A.C.W. first of all, i have consumed 28 total bottles of cabo wabo tequila since my first sip...a trip to mecca with my fellow cabomasters and cabomistress...countless cabo wabo conversions...the start of cabomasters.com...thousands of manbitches killed...the list goes on...

but this cabomaster is not satisfied. and never will be until he is floating face down in the pacific. learn to swim, fuckers!

of course, i am enjoying a waborita right now to commemorate this event!!!!! DRINK UP!!!!!! SAMMY IS LORD!

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CABO POWER!!!!

not since darth vader joined the dark side has there been such a high concentration of power in the universe! that's right folks...the cabomistress and i are getting married!!!!

soon the cabo death star will be operational and we will be able to eliminate manbitches by the thousands!

obviously we've already decided that we will be toasting with waboritas at the wedding!

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Cabo Radio?

i was driving around, crankin' the NPR today (cause i'm such a gangsta) and i heard this story. not entirely cabo related, but related to tequila. just about some town in mexico that is trying to make and sell their own mezcal. they talk about the production and shit, pretty cool.

Mexican Town Relies on Mezcal to Stem Migration

it sort of got me thinking...as the Cabo Wabo movement grows, we may need to look into other channels to distribute our message...radio? CaboTV? CaboXM? the possibilities are endless. and to think, it only started a year ago! sammy's power is truly inspirational!

now, i will go get superfuckingtrashed and think about the first Cabo Reality TV show: "Hot Latina Women Hand-making Tortillas." do i smell a million dollar idea?

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SIPPER?!?!

cabo wabo reposado on rock with lime

The CaboMistress ordered some tequila glasses on eBay. From the look of the orginal picture, they look like normal rocks glasses. They arrived yesterday and we found out that they are half or even a third of the size of a regular rocks glass...

so we were a little disappointed...UNTIL we tried sipping some tequila from them! usually when i sip from the rocks glass, towards the last half of the drink the ice starts to stick to the bottom and you get the "ICE IN THE FACE" phenomenon when trying to get that very last drop of Cabo Wabo! with these, the level of the liquid is much closer to the top of the glass...makes for much easier sipping, and an all around more enjoyable Cabo Wabo experience!

this public service announcement was brought to you by SECRETPUNCHER.COM!

thank you, and die young!

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WABORITA TIME!

No more Mexican beer left in the fridge so that automatically makes it Waborita night (oh, poor me).

The CaboMistress told me today that her parents want to try Waboritas on Easter Sunday! how fucking awesome is that?!?! they will dishonor JC by drinking the Lord's drink on christianity's holiest day...can you say "INSTANT CONVERSION"?!?!

that's all i have to say for now because i would honestly rather focus my full attention on this waborita than the blog!

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Visions of the Lord!

"Tough Nuts, come hang out in my garden!"

I had the most awesome dream last night! While Sammy was in L.A. rehearsing with Van Halen for a month or so, he had me tend to his garden(?!?) at his house in Cabo while he was away! I didn't even have to really do anything...just water his stuff or whatever, and I got to hang out at his house!

The drama comes when I wake up on the day I need to buy tickets for Van Halen. I wake up and think it's 9am, but it's really 10am. So I think "ok, cool I have an hour before I need to call ticketmaster." But then at 10...i call ticketmaster and they tell me it's really 11:00 and that Van Halen is sold out!!!
ME = CRESTFALLEN!!!!! (nice word!)

I am obviously very super fucking pissed at myself and am ready to shove a fucking frisbee down my throat when Sammy comes home and goes to pay me and I say "Instead of money, can you give me some tickets to Van Halen?" And the Lord says "Yeah, I already gave a bunch to Kai for you guys!"

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!?!?!

The Lord was in touch with his CaboMasters and we were now part of his inner circle! When he said "You guys" he meant "The CaboMasters." I honestly believe that one of these days, this will be reality.

Also, in my dream, Sammy went on Letterman and had me and Drunk Guy on with him. It was seriously the most awesome fucking dream ever.

Also, it is 8am and I am drinking a Negra Modelo.

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DISCUSS

The forums at www.cabomasters.com are now open!

LET THE DISCUSSIONS BEGIN!

fuck haloscan!

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MORE PROOF?!?!

not sure how many of you caught THE LORD on stern this morning. stern called him about the VH reunion, and then came an interesting twist. howard asked sammy about his abduction by aliens. here's a transcript of this portion of the interview:

HS: hey by the way sammy you know what we never talk about?
SH: what?
HS: remember when you were abducted by aliens when you were like 18?
SH: yeah.
HS: listen to this…this is sammy talking about when he got abducted.
"Back in 1968 in Fontana CA, I had this unbelievable experience. It was so unbelievable you’re gonna think I’m crazy, BUT I was contacted 3 or 4 different times. I received information that has been valuable in my life from those people. But they used me. I’m gonna sound like a complete nut here, but they used me in an experimental fashion. The easiest way to put it is, they downloaded my brain information. When I was about 19 or 20, the aliens downloaded everything that was in my head, and I caught ‘em doing it. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking what the hell is going on and they were like “oh my god, he’s waking up.” But this was all telepathy, there were no words being spoken. And as soon as I woke up, it was probably three o clock in the morning and my whole room is so bright that I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was wide awake, I could not move my eyes, white rooom, and and everything they were doing… I was shaking, I almost passed out. I almost had to throw up I was sick to my stomach.
I don’t know who the fuck they are but I’ve narrowed them down to a people called The Nine…who are called that because they are from the 9th dimension. I’ve named my publishing company The Nine Music after them. It’s a crazy thing, man, but to me, anyone who thinks we’re the only ones here despite the vastness of the entire universe is fucking crazy.

Howard then goes on to say that sammy’s crazy and they joke around. Then robin jumps in.

RQ: and what thing did he learn from them that he used in his life?
SH: me?
RQ: yeah, you said they gave you things that you’ve used in your life?
SH: yeah. Everything.
RQ: Like what?
SH: Everything. If you look at anything that I’ve done, Robin, it’s everything. It’s made me who I am, and how I think. And I can’t help it.
HS: what did they look like?
SH: can’t see ‘em.
HS: only thoughts.
SH: yeah. Yeah. It’s just energy.
HS: you might be insane.
RQ: how many times did they contact you and how do they contact you?
SH: I only know about 3 or 4, and they just do it when they want.

----end-----

after reading that, i seriously don't know how anyone could question that Lord Sammy is blessed with supernatural powers! He breathed life into an agave plant and was able to create Cabo Wabo tequila. He breathed life into an 8 years dormant Van Halen! He breathed life into my drinking problem! If this is not proof enough, then I hope you all burn in HELL (aka jose cuervo manufacturing plant).

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THE LORD IS COMING!!!!

"We are all drunk on Cabo Wabo!"

Be watchful, The Lord is coming soon to a town near you!

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UPCOMING BEER WARS?

cabo wabo cerveza? i am still researching this. i e-mailed paula about it, and her reply was:

"Unfortunately, the cerveza never came to fruit. Sorry!"

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! DETAILS PLEASE! never came to fruit as in what?

was once in limited production?
was once only served in the cantina?
was the lord's idea but never entered production?

i need these fucking details. so i replied, but have still never heard back. so i ordered the cabo wabo cerveza t-shirt and it arrived the other day! here's the pic of the bottles on the back....

I'm just guessing here, but it looks to me that at ONE TIME this beer actually existing but for some reason or another was discontinued! There seems to have been a lot of thought put into the design of the cap, the design of the bottles, etc...plus, why sell a t-shirt of something that never existed?

The true question is why? We may never know. Hopefully, one day, the Lord will enlighten us regarding the Cabo Wabo Cerveza.

In other news, some manbitches have shut down cabomasters.com over some "billing dispute". BILLING DISPUTE?!?!?! TOUGH NUTS doesn't need to pay! I AM A CABOMASTER!

And last but certainly not least, the CABOMISTRESS is now blogging!

the movement is growing. the lord will be pleased!

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THE LORD SPEAKETH!

click the pic to view a scene from the Lord's Last Meltdown (aka last supper) with his Apostles (aka the waboritas).

quicktime is required to view His Holiness.
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ULTIMATE TEQUILA WAR?

So, as mentioned earlier today, tequila night was cancelled, yet the CaboMistress and I still decided to go to the bar/restaurant for dinner! If I am not mistaken, we performed the greatest tequila war EVER!!!!!! Here is a brief recap, I don't really remember all the details of every tequila, but I will try...

We start with a couple Pacifico beers, very good. Next round, I order Casa Real Blanco and the CaboMistress orders Cabo Wabo Reposado! I envy her choice. The Casa Real is not so hot really. The Cabo Wabo is awesome, as usual!

We order our food, and we decide to try their margaritas. The waiter asks "Any particular tequila you would like in them? We use Cuervo Tradicional..." I shake my head vigoursly "no no no no, we'll have Cabo Wabo." "Blanco?" "No, the Reposado." this was a sign of things to come. (foreshadowing).

We enjoy our Pacificos, and the margaritas arrive. first sip = sour mix. 50th sip = sour mix! Now, this place was VERY authentic mexican, I honestly CANNOT believe that they would KILL the lord's tequila with cheap sour mix. fuck, the place is CALLED "tequilas". what the fuck? keep in mind, I was in disguise (i.e. I didn't wear my tough nuts CaboMaster football jersey) as I didn't want preferential treatment. so at this fucking point, i didn't want to break character and flip out like a ninja and chop heads...so we just kept our mouths shut and finished our meal.

meal + tequila + beer + margarita + tip = $190.

so we decide to head up to the bar.

we order 2 pacificos and i order a Paradiso Anejo and the CaboMistress orders a Cabo Wabo, but the bartender recommends she try a Cazadores Reposado. The bartender is like "you guys really like that Cabo Wabo? I bought a bottle once and was so disappointed. I hated it. It's overpriced, there's so many more tequilas you can get for cheaper."

OK, i TRIED to stay in character all night, but this just put me over the edge. I have some stupid motherFUCKER who uses SOURMIX to make a margarita, and now he's DISRESPECTING NOT ONLY ME, BUT MY LORD AND SAVIOR?!?!?!

so i stand up on my barstool and scream "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU" and proceed to strangle him to death.

tough nuts = NEW BARTENDER!

so, let the tequila tastings begin (as if they hadn't already). in between rounds we had a sampling of the owner's personal stash of puerto viejo blanco (i'm sure this was a gesture of thanks for myself and the cabomistress being so kind to make our appearance). we then tried chinaco blanco and corazon blanco. at this point i spit on the corpse of the bartender and paid my bill:

beers + tequilas = $110!

a $300 night.

HOLY FUCKING FUCK!!!!

all that for a dinner and a bunch of tequilas that COULD NOT STAND UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF CABO WABO!!!!!!

let's recap:

casa real blanco - pretty harsh. no way it can handle the Lord
casta reposado - alright. i honestly don't recall much about this one.
corralejo reposado - ok. still not even close
paradiso anejo - damn good. and it fucking better be for $22.50. the bartender even warned me after i ordered it, "you know we charge a lot more for this?" yes, i'm aware fucknuts! but, as i've mentioned before i think i am more of a blanco/reposado person than anejo. this anejo was aged FIVE years in cognac barrels. and you know what it tastes like? cognac. if i want to drink cognac, i'll order a cognac. if i want tequila? give me a blanco or a reposado, you know?
cazadores reposado - honestly, i've never had this before, but this was seriously gonna be the next bottle that i purchase. i've heard it's pretty solid, the cabomistress liked it and i thought it was pretty solid tequila. and i think it goes for around $30 bottle around here. pretty damn good. better than cantera.
puerto viejo - pretty damn good blanco. not as good as cabo wabo blanco. but some solid shit that i'm sure i'll never find around here again! but i would like to...seems real authentic. good agave flavor.
corazon blanco - once again, corazon makes a real fucking good tequila. in Tequila War EC, i believe corazon reposado placed 2nd. the corazon blanco did not disappoint. of course, it could not topple the champion but did a formidable job. nice work.
chinaco blanco - got this cause radkow had tried the anejo and said it was pretty good. the blanco was solid. but not as solid as the other blancos (well, better than the casa real, but that was it).

so, one human and eight tequilas were destroyed tonight. cabo wabo rulez over all! Sammy Is Lord!

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TEQUILA NIGHT = CANCELLED!

so i get a message this morning from Manuel asking me to call him back. So i do. here's the conversation.

Tough Nuts: "Can i speak to Manuel please?"
Manuel: "yes, mr. nuts...thank you for the return of call. i am so sorry mr. nuts, but we are being having to cancel de tequila night tonight."
Tough Nuts: "cancel?"
Manuel: "yes mr. nuts. you are to see, we had a group of the 8 cancel this morning. you must understand that cannot hold a tequila night for such a small group. please mr. nuts, do not hurt me, i am only try doing my job."
Tough Nuts: "manuel, do not be afraid, i will spare your life, IF and ONLY IF you give me the names of the 8 cancellations..."
Manuel: "their names? mr. nuts, I am not sure i would be can do that. "
Tough Nuts: "the NAMES manuel. you love your family, right?"
Manuel: "yes mr. nuts. my family is very dear to me. ok. i will give the names. thanking you mr. nuts. thank you for being so forgiving and with the kindness."
Tough Nuts: "lates!"

So i get the names and told my boss I am taking the afternoon off so I can HUNT DOWN and KILL the fuckers that cause TEQUILA NIGHT CANCELLATION!!!!

We're still going anyway, just to have dinner and drink their tequila! It just doesn't include the tequila seminar. Instead, I guess I will have to do an impromptu onecomment here.

CABO WABO CERVEZA?

Can someone fill me in here? I've seen this shirt on the Cabo Wabo merchandise site, and the description reads:

""Two Heads are Better than One", especially when you are talking about the newest Cabo Wabo beers...Natural Blond and Platinum Blond Lagers. White t-shirt with Cabo Wabo Cerveza logo on the front and two heads quote with beer bottles on back. "

does this actually exist? has anyone tried it? where can i get it? el bobbo? drunkard? anyone?

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FOUND?!?!

is the search over?

PA has been slowly loosening their liquor laws over the years. A few months ago I heard they were selling stuff online, but ONLY through the LCBs site. And only certain PREMIUM wines (at least that's what i thought). So i check the site today and they are selling wines AND spirits. intriguing. so i check out their available tequilas and RIGHT at the top, cabo wabo milenia anejo! and the picture is of the MILENIO bottle!

ok, so it's $90 + tax & shipping, but i could not pass it up. now, i'm THINKING that it's probably the normal anejo, and they just haven't updated their product pics, but i'm not sure. I'm pretty sure they only started this site like 6 months ago. The new cabo wabo bottles came out in 2002 if I'm not mistaken...so does this mean that the PA LCB has a stockpile of milenia anejo?!??! could this be the motherload?!?! either way, i will find out in two days when it gets here! if, indeed, it IS the milenio, that would be a sweet steal! and would lead to yet ANOTHER tequila war:

cabo wabo anejo vs. cabo wabo anejo.

in other news, i picked up some don julio blanco today, in anticipation of a weekend tequila war. i had some on the rocks with a bit of lime, pretty damn good! tequila war results will be posted, as always!

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BEST DRINK EVER!

liquid gold

this weekend the cabomistress and i had to make our way through jersey, so i decided to stop at the ONLY liquor store in the tri-state area that i know of that carries anejo to see if they have any.

LOW AND BEHOLD: last fucking bottle! awesome shit!

$70. take the bottle up to the cashier and she gives me the "CABOMASTER DISCOUNT": 15% off! nice fucking hit! i tip her $5 just for sensing that a CaboMaster was in her presence...she obviously doesn't KNOW me, cause i VERY rarely go in there...the power of Sammy must be strong with her.

Anyway, the only problem with this is, I want CaboBloggos NOW!!!!! but can't, cause I have to wait 6 hours till we get home. We finally arrive home and proceed to experience the most amazing drink in the history of time and space: the CaboBloggo!

now, i know not many people read this blog, but those who do. PLEASE fucking sign the petition to get this drink added to the Cabo Wabo Cantina. Shit, the link is in The Bible too, and we only have 27 signatures?!?!? SURELY sammy's disciples are more numerous than that! vote early and often. let's fucking get it going!

One more thing...last week I was sick, felt major flu-like symptoms coming on...tons of nasty bullshit. Sammy guided me on a tequila shopping spree and I went through the shortest sickness ever! VITAMIN T!!!!!

5 days till Tequila Night. I can't fucking wait!

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ULTIMATE TEQUILA WAR?!?!?!

ALERT! the cabomistress and I were looking for a good mexican place to go to this upcoming weekend, so i immediately thought of a place called "Tequilas". so i go to their site to check it out and notice they are having a TEQUILA NIGHT upcoming. i shit my pants instantaneously! here is the description of their tequila night:

"Los Catrines / Tequila's restaurant invites you to participate in a fun and educational evening. On selected Monday nights starting from 6pm we lock the doors of "EL PATRON" (our private dining room). Those lucky enough to be inside will enjoy a special feast put together by Chef Carlos Molina, followed by a seminar on the all mighty "Tequila". The objective is to examine the roots or origins of Tequila. Learn about distilleries, the makers, and their methods as we go behind the scenes. And, we will put emphasis on creating an appreciation for tequila as a stand alone liqour, while examining it's complexities when infused into exotic dishes.

This promises to be an excellent and educational feast. Reserve Now! Seating is limited."

let's just ignore the fact that their private room is called EL PATRON for a second...seats are limited to 12 per tequila night, which occurs approx once every 3 months or so...they are also $100 a seat, but i figure if we went there on a normal weekend we would probably spend that much, and not get the benefit of the seminar. so why the fuck not?!?!

so i call them and reserve two spots...no problem...which leads me to believe we'll be the only ones there! EVEN BETTER! this place is fucking legit...examine their tequila list. cabo wabo is represented of course, as is the herradura seleccion suprema at $45 a fucking glass! holy shit!

anyway...i'm thinking this could be the ultimate tequila war. the guy on the phone said "we have some new tequilas in that i think you will really enjoy." i can't wait to go in there, and when they try to introduce us to a new tequila, i will say "blind taste test." i'm gonna bring my own bottle of cabo with me for the blind taste tests, and i'll make them participate so i can show them that lord sammy RULEZ OVER ALL!

then. when they are drunk after trying repeatedly to defeat cabo wabo with other tequilas, i will bludgeon them to death with the empty Cabo bottle and declare CABO WABO as supreme ruler over all!!!!!

"YOU FUCKERS WILL BURN IN HELL WITH JOSE, WHILE SAMMY REWARDS ME IN THE AFTERLIFE WITH ENDLESS SUPPLIES OF CABO WABO!!!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE BURN!"

comment here.

HOLY FUCKING FUCK

holy fucking fuck

HOLY FUCKING FUCK

another CaboMaster summit? please advise.

comment here.

TEQUILA SHOWDOWN AT HIGH NOON

you want some of this, bitch?

In my unending quest to continually prove Cabo Wabo KING OF ALL TEQUILAS i performed another tequila showdown.

I was off from work today, so i decided to have a HIGH NOON showdown. Last night I went on a tequila shopping spree. Well, actually I went to the store to buy Cabo and decided that it would be good to get something else as well. Lately, Cabo has been fucking kicking ASS in tequila wars (over Cantera Anejo and Herencia Reposado)...I mean, those weren't even close. I was looking for a worthy contender.

Tequila selection where I am is pretty limited, which blows. I am just thankful I can find Cabo at all, really. So i'm staring down the tequila shelves, and examining the available opponents, and i see a healthy section of Herradura. Now, Drunk Guy has already had a war with Herradura Reposado, and Cabo was victorious (obviously). I had a shot of Herradura Blanco the other day at Chilis, and while it was pretty good, I already knew it wouldn't be able to stand up to the test. So I decide to up the stakes. I chose Herradura Anejo:

Admittedly, in recent tequila wars, the cards have kinda been stacked against the contenders. Cabo out here goes for $45-50. The Herencia and Cantera were maybe $30-35...Plus, I wanted to pit a well known Anejo against the Cabo Reposado.

Last night I did a shot of the Herradura and I must say I was pretty impressed (I was also trashed cause I'd had 4 waboritas and many Coronas). I knew it would be up to the challenge. So today I look online for some reviews of the Herradura Anejo and come across the following. Now, this guy had just tasted like 7 tequilas before giving this review, so he must be trashed...i think it shows in his review:

"Though it was a great line up, this was the star of the show. Vanilla, barrel, mint, the balance and subtlety was superb and the finish, well, it moved me viscerally. I felt like I had just released a bird from my hands and it was flying, flying away. Come back! (Rating *****)"

Huh? When i taste a tequila I rarely feel as if I've released a bird from my hands! Keep smoking pot, dude! Anyway, I knew that the Herradura Anejo would put up a good fight.

So I stage a tequila war. Cabo Wabo Blanco vs Cabo Wabo Reposado vs Herradura Anejo. Blind taste test. Since the CaboMistress is not here, this was kind of hard to accomplish, since I had to mix the shots around without looking and walk into the room with my eyes closed bumping into things and shit, but rest assured, it was a true blind taste test.

The results were surprising and amazing.

No, non-believer, Cabo Wabo was NOT defeated...Cabo Wabo Reposado was declared champion, once again. BUT, the Herradura Anejo snuck in a surprising second place finish over the Cabo Wabo Blanco. Maybe this isn't so amazing, a quality anejo should really always be smoother than a blanco. And it always, of course, depends on the tasters preference...smoothness over agave flavor? spice over mild flavor? What's more amazing, really, is that Cabo Wabo Reposado continues to dominate. It's unbeaten streak is unmatched by any other tequila. Once again, Sammy welcomed the challenge and prevailed.

Never doubt the power of Cabo Wabo.

comment here.

BACK FROM THE MOUNTAIN!

tough nuts meditates on the mountain while listening to the Red Rocker

It's been a few weeks since my last post. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Re-connecting with Sammy, and with Cabo. Let me tell you a story.

Last weekend, the CaboMistress and I were on the way home and were in the mood for chilling out and having some mexican food and margaritas. We both had the same thought: we'd try this new mexican place in the area called Johnny Cabo's. It has Cabo in the name so it must be fucking awesome, right? Well, we may never know since they were closed at 3pm on a Sunday. They were set to open at 4. no way I'm waiting....i need alcohol.

So, I decide to go to Chili's. Mexican flava, margaritas, everything will be OK. So we go in there and examine the Margarita selection (of course they don't have Cabo, but i really didn't expect them to)...I decide to try their 3Gs margarita...made with Sauza Tres Generaciones, Tuaca and fresh lime juice. As you may recall from tequila showdown EC, I found Tres to be a pretty solid tequila, so I figured their margarita would be alright.

FUCKING DEAD WRONG

how fucking HARD is it to make a decent margarita? apparently impossible since these fucking places fuck these things up REPEATEDLY!!!! chilis is all happy cause "it's a 21 oz margarita". yeah. fucking 3 oz of tequila and 18 oz of SOUR MIX! not fresh lime juice by any fucking stretch of the imagination. so as the CaboMistress and I sat there sipping our sour mix extravaganza, I thought.

I thought long and hard.

And then Sammy touched me.

Education and enlightenment. This is my calling in life. He said "You did alright last year, my son. For a rookie CaboMaster, you performed a good amount of conversions, but I am challenging you. You must spread the word."

And the Lord gave me yet another million dollar idea.

This may take years to accomplish, but I am focused on getting the job done...for Sammy.

No details yet, as planning is in its VERY early stages, but, like Drunkard's tequila, more details will be revealed as the date approaches.

side note: i am on waborita #3 right now and this is seriously a fucking magical drink. if you'd like to comment, please use Kai's blog.

world domination in progress!

i wish i had this job!

surfing around, bored as fuck today and i come across this little tidbit:

"In addition to his musical ventures, rumors are currently circulating that Sam plans to open some manner of Cabo Wabo cantina-type bar or restaurant in Lake Tahoe in the near future, with a possible grand opening on Cinco de Mayo."

and for our basketball loving brethren in California:

"Cabo Wabo Tequila sponsors the Golden State Warriors

Cabo Wabo sponsors the Golden State Warriors

Fall 2002 saw a new addition to the Arena in Oakland- Waboritas! Yes, that’s right friends, you heard us correctly! Golden State Warrior game-goers can now purchase Wabortias at one of the two colorful Waborita stands that are present in the arena.

And don’t forget to checkout the Cabo Wabo Tequila stage in the arena- it’s where all the half-time live music happens!"

one last note...please read that blurb about the Golden State Warriors carefully. I copied and pasted that DIRECTLY from cabowabo.com. and PAULA FUCKING YOUNG MIS-SPELLED WABORITAS!!!!!!

surely this would not happen if the cabomasters were in charge. sign the damn petition!

another one bites the dust

this explains everything

well friends. let's start off with some background. as mentioned in a previous post, i have had serious hankerings for tequila the last couple months, but i've decided to branch out recently, try OTHER tequila besides cabo wabo. so last week i'm in the liquor store and i choose Cantera Anejo.

now, i'd never really seen this before...but i'd read about it online. plus, the name is only ONE letter off from pantera so how bad can it be? dimebag darrell would never let anyone use "antera" without his full approval, right?

WRONG!

take a close look at the picture. DRINKING coors light AND wearing a coors light t-shirt! what the fuck?!?!? i should've researched this before i bought the cantera. phil anselmo needs to knock some sense into dimebag!

the bottle is almost done by this point (all shots)....let's see...how to describe it...very flowery (i.e. manbitchy) with a nasty aftertaste. basically, it's like eating a rose and then swallowing the thorny stem. shit ass shit!

so, to make up for this purchase, i bought some cabo wabo reposado and cabo wabo blanco tonight...it's been months since i've had a homemade waborita. so i made one and it was so fucking awesome!!!!

as a result, i decided to do a mini tequila war...cabo wabo reposado & cabo wabo blanco vs. cantera anejo. should there be any question as to how this turned out?!?!? the only surprise was how fucking amazing the blanco was...i'd forgotten, it's been so long.

so, it's 7:30pm and i am fucking trashed as fuck! let's go over my alcohol consumption so far: beer, waborita (2 shots of tequila), beer, waborita (2 shots of tequila), tequila war (3 shots of tequila), waborita (2 shots of tequila).

time for xbox! LATES!

tough nuts at the movies!

ok, so i just got back from seeing The Passion....pretty good, but I have a couple issues to take up with mel gibson.

FIRST - the fucking guy they cast to be the Savior looked NOTHING like Sammy! what the fuck?!?!

SECOND - there was a lot of drinking in the movie. this is good. but at no point was it obvious that they were drinking Cabo Wabo. i mean, even at the last supper (aka last meltdown), there was a shot of the Savior pouring what appeared to be a reddish liquid...not the golden hue of reposado for sure...possibly a cranberry waborita?!?! this reviewer is certainly stumped.

THIRD - monica bellucci didn't get naked at all! in fact, she looked so bad she didn't even get me aroused!

FOURTH - i seriously question the historical accuracy of this film. it was written in the bible that sammy was persecuted, but instead of dying on a cross, he just killed everyone (except monica bellucci) and started mankind over again! the movie did not potray this angle at all and i am deeply disturbed!

FIFTH - i stuck around through the entire credits and NO BLOOPER REEL?!?! what the FUCK?!?!

i'm sure there is more but i am pretty fucking trashed on cabo wabo so fuck off and die!

another tequila conquered!

a valiant effort, my friend

One of the great joys of being a CaboMaster is that all of your tequila purchases can be written off because they were bought for religious reasons! So with this in mind, even though i am a poor fuck (all my Super Bowl winnings having been spent on the car in the pic below), I ventured out to the liquor store last weekend in the mood for tequila.

I consulted a fellow CaboMaster on my way out there and we agreed that while Cabo Wabo would be fucking awesome, it was time for me to get back into some tequila research (because as we all know from the Cabo Bible, Sammy fears no tequila and encourages his disciples to experiment). So I purchased "Herencia de Plata 100% Blue Agave." I must admit, I'd never seen this before, so I was going into this with no expectations.

I got it home and the CaboMistress and I did some shots, I had a few drinks of it on the rocks, and I was pleasantly surprised. A very solid tequila. I would say better as a shot than for sippin', there was a slightly nasty aftertaste, but other than that, pretty damn smooth! impressive! Now, I didn't do a full taste test, but I was reminiscing about Tequila Showdown EC, and I would put this on par with Tres Generaciones, maybe a step above even. Looking back at the results, I'd stick it above Tres and below Corazon.

But the fun doesn't stop there my friends. I am here to help you. I recommend this tequila. Definitely good to have in your stash. So you are probably thinking "But tough nuts, how much was this? Can I afford it?" Don't be stupid...this is tequila we're talking about, no price is too high...You will buy what I tell you to buy. But to answer your question, I paid $40 for the bottle. BUT! As a special offer to you, my tough nuts readers, I can offer it to you for a mere $15.99!

that's right people....oh no...don't thank me...it's nothing...please, you don't have to kiss my feet...ok, yes you do.

Tough Nuts on his commute to work

This is in response to the Gredgeman's post regarding the absence of a Cabo Wabo car at the Daytona 500! One redneck sport at a time, buddy! Lord Hagar is wise, and has chosen drag racing as his first step to conquering Bud-piss swilling fools! You can rest assured that his victory will be swift and there will be much bloodshed and mayhem!

Also, for those of you who would like to make your voice heard in the struggle against Paula Young, webmaster of cabowabo.com, please sign the petition.

So far, the CaboMasters have chosen to take a peaceful approach to this matter, but if our cries of injustice are ignored, perhaps we will need to re-evaluate our plan of attack!

FAST FOOD NATION

god i really hate mcdonalds. me and my boss went there today at lunch. we decided to actually go in, instead of through the drive through. we walk through the door and the employee at the counter yells to the back "CUSTOMERS!" ok. what are they doing back there that they have to be warned that customers are present? jacking off in the milk shake machine?!

so i go up to the employee at the counter to place my order and she says "can i help you?" and i
start placing my order and while i'm talking she interrupts me to talk to this other employee at the counter. now, she doesn't say "excuse me for a second, sir", she just starts talking to the other bitch right when i'm in mid-sentence. so i stop and wait for them to finish and then place my order. EVM #2 (two cheeseburgers, fries, coke), no cheese. so she rings it up, and then skulks around to get my sandwiches and fries. all the other employees are just there doing nothing and complaining the entire time. i even heard one employee say "this sucks" to no one in particular. NO SHIT IT SUCKS! NOW GET ME MY DAMN APPLIE PIE! so the girl gives me the bag. but doesn't give me a cup for the drink, so i have to bug another employee to get it. she gets it but gives me the wrong one. whatever.

then my boss orders and he has to wait cause they don't have any fries ready. i don't understand this.
they give out fries with almost every fucking order! ALWAYS HAVE THEM READY! this is all taking place at approx. 2:45pm...no one is in the fucking restaurant. fucking give us service, fuckers!

so i get back to my desk at work, and the stupid fucking BITCH gave me cheeseburgers instead of hamburgers! and they tasted like fucking dog ass! the whole fucking experience was just depressing as fuck.

i understand, it's a shitty job working at mcdonalds.. but if you can't excel as an employee at fucking mcdonald's of all places, your life is going nowhere. thanks for playing. fuck off and die!

i wish we had in n out burger on my side of the country!

fast food nation

I AM FUCKING TRASHED!

i seriously hope you die!


what i did to the last bitch that refused a shot of cabo!

READY FOR BATTLE!

tough nuts: "say, drunk guy...care to give me a swig of that cabo wabo?"
drunk guy: "i will kill you."

This post is just to support Drunk Guy's stance against cabowabo.com! Maybe a new petition is in order? If we present 1,000 signatures to sammy, do you think he will let drunk guy take over the cabowabo.com site? Or at LEAST get some acknowledgement on the site. possibly a "Thank You, CaboMasters" page on the site?

As I sit here writing this, I look up above my kitchen cabinets and count EIGHTEEN empty bottles of Cabo Wabo. Not only that, but my evangelical ways have pursuaded many others in the last year to become disciples of Sammy, and to partake in the Cabo Wabo lifestyle (i.e. generating cashflow, I.E. PAULA FUCKING YOUNG'S SALARY)!

how could she dismiss the CaboMasters so swiftly? when, essentially, WE are paying for her living quarters? WE are paying for her food? WE are paying for her alcohol (she probably drinks cuervo or patron!)

And in two weeks, I will once again perform yet ANOTHER conversion. MORE money in Paula Young's pocket. And what do i get in return? (Well, I get the eternal love of Sammy, and His promise that my devotion and faith will be fully repaid in the afterlife).

but no thanks on cabowabo.com.

was this offensive paula? Did I hurt your feelings?

THE CABOMASTERS ARE WILLING TO GO TO BATTLE! BRING IT!

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA!

Fellow drunk-asses! I am here to talk about a problem that we daily drinkers must deal with on a regular basis!

It's a normal Wednesday morning, like the true drunk that you are, you got shitfaced last night (because you can!) and you're feeling a little hung over. (note: we all know that if you are a true drunkard, you don't get hungover even after drinking 20+ beers/waboritas. but i know that not all of you are cabomasters so let's just assume that you are hungover for purposes of discussion.)

so in order to be able to deal with your 9am meeting, you're going to need some pain relief! hit the medicine cabinet, and on every bottle all you see is this:

Alcohol warning: If you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks every day, ask your doctor whether you should take ibuprofen or other pain relievers/fever reducers. Ibuprofen may cause stomach bleeding.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!?! WHAT KIND OF PUSSY ONLY CONSUMES 3 DRINKS A DAY?!?

i'll tell you what it is...it's a government conpiracy! it's discrimination! it's BULLSHIT!

so here's my million dollar idea. ALCOHOL-SAFE OTC DRUGS!!!! that's right kids. headache? pop away! sore throat got you down? chug some CaboWabitussen!

Now, you're probably asking "Won't that take a lot of research and development to create drugs that are safe for heavy drinkers?"

CREATE?!?! are you crazy?

i'm not creating shit...besides a fucking GOLDMINE! you and I know that the current OTC offerings are fine (shit, i've been addicted to pain killers for years, has my stomach bled once? hell no!)

I'm just taking the existing drugs, removing the alcohol warning and RE-BRANDING them! and watching the money roll in!

it's ok to say it, i am pretty fucking awesome.

gracias!

i would just like to take this moment to THANK drunk guy for his wise superbowl picks. as i type this, i am bathing in liquified hundred dollar bills and drinking a 2 gallon caboblogo purchased with my super bowl winnings. oh yeah, and i bought a new house today. and a new car. and i told my job to fuck off.

how much did i win, you ask?

well, fuckhead, you would KNOW FOR YOURSELF if you bet your life's savings as i did!!!

LISTEN TO THE CABOMASTERS!

die, fuckshit.

FUCK BLOCKBUSTER!

so the cabomistress and i decide to get a movie one night. i've never seen any of the lord of the anal rings shit, so we go to get the first one.

out.

so i say fuck it, i heard they stand alone as seperate movies so i'll just watch the first one at a later date. let's get the two towers.

so we get it home and the stupid fucking INCOMPETENT blockbuster employee forgot to take out the fucking yellow thingy that does god(sammy) knows what?!?! you know what it does? it prevents me from watching my fucking movie that i just paid for! fucking bullshit. the cabomistress calls the blockbuster number and the stupid fucking cuervo-drinking rep on the other end says "well you have to bring it to the store so they can undo it."

FUCK THAT!

by this time i am already trashed. so i thinks to myself "what technology could they possibly have at the blockbuster store to undo this thing that i don't have right here in cabocentral? a laser-guided wang missile? check. a yak that shoots mind-bullets? check." so i says to myself, i says "let's fucking WANG IT UP!"

and on display for you here are the results:



i sort of sliced up the discs too a little. but they still play.

i haven't attempted to take them back yet. but when it do i will blame it on the fact that SAMMY (our lord and savior if i need to remind you, you fuck) wasn't displayed during the super bowl halftime show!

outs.

MARS! WHO CARES????

who cares? ME! that's who!

why, you ask?

well, let us please examine this article. NASA Says Second Mars Rover Experiencing Problems

that's 2 for 2. 100% failure. i like those odds. and here's why.

our fearless leader, GWB has proposed manned missions to mars! I PROPOSE THAT I AM ON THE FIRST FLIGHT OUT THERE!

it is obvious by now that i will not (as prophesized) be floating face-down in the pacific anytime soon! i tried. i went to the most dangerous beach in cabo san lucas but each time i got pulled under, sammy pulled me back up and said "no, my son. i have plans for you."

well, now it's all becoming clear. sammy wants me to spread the intergalactic word of cabo. and what better way to do that than burning up in the atmosphere (or lack thereof) of mars!

and in the hands of NASA, it's virtually a shoe-in that the mission will end in tragedy!

imagine the possibilities.....

and then it hit me....

some of you may or may not know that i am a fan of football. drunk guy made me rich with his weekly picks because he is one with cabo, and sammy is connected with all. as i was pondering this point and sipping a glass of cabo wabo reposado, i stumbled upon something interesting.

i am a fan of the philadelphia eagles. i was lucky enough to attend the divisional playoff against the packers. things were not looking good early, but late in the game....actually, right after the 2 minute warning in the 4th quarter, who comes over the stadium loudspeakers but sammy himself with his prophetic words "RIGHT NOW!" at that moment, i took a swig of cabo from my flask and knew that the eagles would win because sammy had reached down from the skies and touched them!

you're probably thinking to yourself "how does this help me? i, too, want to reap the financial gains as you have through sports gambling."

hahahaha! you are eager, my child.

well my friends, tough nuts has his OWN NFL prediction for this upcoming weekend. you see, now that the eagles are in the NFC championship game, they need only to defeat the panthers to move onto the super bowl in houston.

the super bowl in houston. think long and hard about that one and try to find the connection. drink a waborita if you must.

OUR LORD AND SAVIOR SAMMY HAGAR WILL BE PLAYING IN HOUSTON SUPER BOWL WEEKEND, FUCKOS!

so it is OBVIOUS that sammy wants the eagles to be there with him! that is why he carried them on his back to victory over the packers last weekend!

so follow drunk guy's instructions and take out ALL your savings, retirement, college fund for your kids, sell your wedding ring, sell your clothes, sell your children (if your children are female, mexican, and over 18, sell them to drunk guy) and put every penny you have on the eagles.

you can thank me later.

BUSH ANNOUNCES IMMIGRATION PLAN!

you know what this means?!?!

i can now hire hot illegal immigrant mexican bitches to be my cabobitches and they get all the rights of a legal worker for three years! then, when their three years are up, i get a fresh batch!

i love this fucking country!

SHOT TIME!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!

1. BLOG - yes it has been a while. die young. i am busy getting shitfaced.
2. DRINK MORE CABO WABO - i have a lot to live up to...i consumed 18+ bottles of cabo wabo in 2003. not bad considering i only started in may. i look to double my intake in 2004.

that's it!

for now, i shall leave you with a cabo wabo story. new year's eve i stop in the liquor store. of course tons of fucksticks are in there buying their shit liquor for the one time they get drunk a year. assfaces. they don't know that alcoholism is a YEAR ROUND pursuit.

anyway, i make my way to the tequila section and grab a bottle of cabo wabo reposado.

to celebrate the new year, you ask?

no.

to drown my sorrows re: the fact that i did not die in 2003. fuckhead.

so i stand in line for about 30 minutes and finally make it up to the counter and the people working the counter are talking about how much they can't wait to get drunk (i agree) and talking about when people bring up good shit, that makes it even worse (they go out of their way to point out the cabo wabo, so i give them props for that).

then, as the dude rings me up and the girl bags my cabo, she says "you're not gonna mix this with anything right? cause i wouldn't give it to you if you're going to."

ok, i know she means well, and i give her credit for being cabo elitist. but for her to be SO FUCKING IGNORANT that i am a cabomaster is unforgivable. i've been THE REASON that store even stocks cabo.

i look at her.

i look at the line of 50 people behind me.

i consult sammy.

i say: "no" and walk out the door.

now, some of you might think, "you should've killed her right then and there for even making such a statement"...and i agree with you.

but, i too have been in long lines and hate dealing with people at the counter airing out their bullshit. they all should die. so i let it be...for NOW! if that bitch disrespects me one more time, she's getting a stern lecture about cabo wabo and a fist in the face!

happy new year!