world domination in progress!

i wish i had this job!

surfing around, bored as fuck today and i come across this little tidbit:

"In addition to his musical ventures, rumors are currently circulating that Sam plans to open some manner of Cabo Wabo cantina-type bar or restaurant in Lake Tahoe in the near future, with a possible grand opening on Cinco de Mayo."

and for our basketball loving brethren in California:

"Cabo Wabo Tequila sponsors the Golden State Warriors

Cabo Wabo sponsors the Golden State Warriors

Fall 2002 saw a new addition to the Arena in Oakland- Waboritas! Yes, that’s right friends, you heard us correctly! Golden State Warrior game-goers can now purchase Wabortias at one of the two colorful Waborita stands that are present in the arena.

And don’t forget to checkout the Cabo Wabo Tequila stage in the arena- it’s where all the half-time live music happens!"

one last note...please read that blurb about the Golden State Warriors carefully. I copied and pasted that DIRECTLY from cabowabo.com. and PAULA FUCKING YOUNG MIS-SPELLED WABORITAS!!!!!!

surely this would not happen if the cabomasters were in charge. sign the damn petition!

another one bites the dust

this explains everything

well friends. let's start off with some background. as mentioned in a previous post, i have had serious hankerings for tequila the last couple months, but i've decided to branch out recently, try OTHER tequila besides cabo wabo. so last week i'm in the liquor store and i choose Cantera Anejo.

now, i'd never really seen this before...but i'd read about it online. plus, the name is only ONE letter off from pantera so how bad can it be? dimebag darrell would never let anyone use "antera" without his full approval, right?

WRONG!

take a close look at the picture. DRINKING coors light AND wearing a coors light t-shirt! what the fuck?!?!? i should've researched this before i bought the cantera. phil anselmo needs to knock some sense into dimebag!

the bottle is almost done by this point (all shots)....let's see...how to describe it...very flowery (i.e. manbitchy) with a nasty aftertaste. basically, it's like eating a rose and then swallowing the thorny stem. shit ass shit!

so, to make up for this purchase, i bought some cabo wabo reposado and cabo wabo blanco tonight...it's been months since i've had a homemade waborita. so i made one and it was so fucking awesome!!!!

as a result, i decided to do a mini tequila war...cabo wabo reposado & cabo wabo blanco vs. cantera anejo. should there be any question as to how this turned out?!?!? the only surprise was how fucking amazing the blanco was...i'd forgotten, it's been so long.

so, it's 7:30pm and i am fucking trashed as fuck! let's go over my alcohol consumption so far: beer, waborita (2 shots of tequila), beer, waborita (2 shots of tequila), tequila war (3 shots of tequila), waborita (2 shots of tequila).

time for xbox! LATES!

tough nuts at the movies!

ok, so i just got back from seeing The Passion....pretty good, but I have a couple issues to take up with mel gibson.

FIRST - the fucking guy they cast to be the Savior looked NOTHING like Sammy! what the fuck?!?!

SECOND - there was a lot of drinking in the movie. this is good. but at no point was it obvious that they were drinking Cabo Wabo. i mean, even at the last supper (aka last meltdown), there was a shot of the Savior pouring what appeared to be a reddish liquid...not the golden hue of reposado for sure...possibly a cranberry waborita?!?! this reviewer is certainly stumped.

THIRD - monica bellucci didn't get naked at all! in fact, she looked so bad she didn't even get me aroused!

FOURTH - i seriously question the historical accuracy of this film. it was written in the bible that sammy was persecuted, but instead of dying on a cross, he just killed everyone (except monica bellucci) and started mankind over again! the movie did not potray this angle at all and i am deeply disturbed!

FIFTH - i stuck around through the entire credits and NO BLOOPER REEL?!?! what the FUCK?!?!

i'm sure there is more but i am pretty fucking trashed on cabo wabo so fuck off and die!

another tequila conquered!

a valiant effort, my friend

One of the great joys of being a CaboMaster is that all of your tequila purchases can be written off because they were bought for religious reasons! So with this in mind, even though i am a poor fuck (all my Super Bowl winnings having been spent on the car in the pic below), I ventured out to the liquor store last weekend in the mood for tequila.

I consulted a fellow CaboMaster on my way out there and we agreed that while Cabo Wabo would be fucking awesome, it was time for me to get back into some tequila research (because as we all know from the Cabo Bible, Sammy fears no tequila and encourages his disciples to experiment). So I purchased "Herencia de Plata 100% Blue Agave." I must admit, I'd never seen this before, so I was going into this with no expectations.

I got it home and the CaboMistress and I did some shots, I had a few drinks of it on the rocks, and I was pleasantly surprised. A very solid tequila. I would say better as a shot than for sippin', there was a slightly nasty aftertaste, but other than that, pretty damn smooth! impressive! Now, I didn't do a full taste test, but I was reminiscing about Tequila Showdown EC, and I would put this on par with Tres Generaciones, maybe a step above even. Looking back at the results, I'd stick it above Tres and below Corazon.

But the fun doesn't stop there my friends. I am here to help you. I recommend this tequila. Definitely good to have in your stash. So you are probably thinking "But tough nuts, how much was this? Can I afford it?" Don't be stupid...this is tequila we're talking about, no price is too high...You will buy what I tell you to buy. But to answer your question, I paid $40 for the bottle. BUT! As a special offer to you, my tough nuts readers, I can offer it to you for a mere $15.99!

that's right people....oh no...don't thank me...it's nothing...please, you don't have to kiss my feet...ok, yes you do.

Tough Nuts on his commute to work

This is in response to the Gredgeman's post regarding the absence of a Cabo Wabo car at the Daytona 500! One redneck sport at a time, buddy! Lord Hagar is wise, and has chosen drag racing as his first step to conquering Bud-piss swilling fools! You can rest assured that his victory will be swift and there will be much bloodshed and mayhem!

Also, for those of you who would like to make your voice heard in the struggle against Paula Young, webmaster of cabowabo.com, please sign the petition.

So far, the CaboMasters have chosen to take a peaceful approach to this matter, but if our cries of injustice are ignored, perhaps we will need to re-evaluate our plan of attack!

FAST FOOD NATION

god i really hate mcdonalds. me and my boss went there today at lunch. we decided to actually go in, instead of through the drive through. we walk through the door and the employee at the counter yells to the back "CUSTOMERS!" ok. what are they doing back there that they have to be warned that customers are present? jacking off in the milk shake machine?!

so i go up to the employee at the counter to place my order and she says "can i help you?" and i
start placing my order and while i'm talking she interrupts me to talk to this other employee at the counter. now, she doesn't say "excuse me for a second, sir", she just starts talking to the other bitch right when i'm in mid-sentence. so i stop and wait for them to finish and then place my order. EVM #2 (two cheeseburgers, fries, coke), no cheese. so she rings it up, and then skulks around to get my sandwiches and fries. all the other employees are just there doing nothing and complaining the entire time. i even heard one employee say "this sucks" to no one in particular. NO SHIT IT SUCKS! NOW GET ME MY DAMN APPLIE PIE! so the girl gives me the bag. but doesn't give me a cup for the drink, so i have to bug another employee to get it. she gets it but gives me the wrong one. whatever.

then my boss orders and he has to wait cause they don't have any fries ready. i don't understand this.
they give out fries with almost every fucking order! ALWAYS HAVE THEM READY! this is all taking place at approx. 2:45pm...no one is in the fucking restaurant. fucking give us service, fuckers!

so i get back to my desk at work, and the stupid fucking BITCH gave me cheeseburgers instead of hamburgers! and they tasted like fucking dog ass! the whole fucking experience was just depressing as fuck.

i understand, it's a shitty job working at mcdonalds.. but if you can't excel as an employee at fucking mcdonald's of all places, your life is going nowhere. thanks for playing. fuck off and die!

i wish we had in n out burger on my side of the country!

fast food nation

I AM FUCKING TRASHED!

i seriously hope you die!


what i did to the last bitch that refused a shot of cabo!

READY FOR BATTLE!

tough nuts: "say, drunk guy...care to give me a swig of that cabo wabo?"
drunk guy: "i will kill you."

This post is just to support Drunk Guy's stance against cabowabo.com! Maybe a new petition is in order? If we present 1,000 signatures to sammy, do you think he will let drunk guy take over the cabowabo.com site? Or at LEAST get some acknowledgement on the site. possibly a "Thank You, CaboMasters" page on the site?

As I sit here writing this, I look up above my kitchen cabinets and count EIGHTEEN empty bottles of Cabo Wabo. Not only that, but my evangelical ways have pursuaded many others in the last year to become disciples of Sammy, and to partake in the Cabo Wabo lifestyle (i.e. generating cashflow, I.E. PAULA FUCKING YOUNG'S SALARY)!

how could she dismiss the CaboMasters so swiftly? when, essentially, WE are paying for her living quarters? WE are paying for her food? WE are paying for her alcohol (she probably drinks cuervo or patron!)

And in two weeks, I will once again perform yet ANOTHER conversion. MORE money in Paula Young's pocket. And what do i get in return? (Well, I get the eternal love of Sammy, and His promise that my devotion and faith will be fully repaid in the afterlife).

but no thanks on cabowabo.com.

was this offensive paula? Did I hurt your feelings?

THE CABOMASTERS ARE WILLING TO GO TO BATTLE! BRING IT!

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA!

Fellow drunk-asses! I am here to talk about a problem that we daily drinkers must deal with on a regular basis!

It's a normal Wednesday morning, like the true drunk that you are, you got shitfaced last night (because you can!) and you're feeling a little hung over. (note: we all know that if you are a true drunkard, you don't get hungover even after drinking 20+ beers/waboritas. but i know that not all of you are cabomasters so let's just assume that you are hungover for purposes of discussion.)

so in order to be able to deal with your 9am meeting, you're going to need some pain relief! hit the medicine cabinet, and on every bottle all you see is this:

Alcohol warning: If you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks every day, ask your doctor whether you should take ibuprofen or other pain relievers/fever reducers. Ibuprofen may cause stomach bleeding.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!?! WHAT KIND OF PUSSY ONLY CONSUMES 3 DRINKS A DAY?!?

i'll tell you what it is...it's a government conpiracy! it's discrimination! it's BULLSHIT!

so here's my million dollar idea. ALCOHOL-SAFE OTC DRUGS!!!! that's right kids. headache? pop away! sore throat got you down? chug some CaboWabitussen!

Now, you're probably asking "Won't that take a lot of research and development to create drugs that are safe for heavy drinkers?"

CREATE?!?! are you crazy?

i'm not creating shit...besides a fucking GOLDMINE! you and I know that the current OTC offerings are fine (shit, i've been addicted to pain killers for years, has my stomach bled once? hell no!)

I'm just taking the existing drugs, removing the alcohol warning and RE-BRANDING them! and watching the money roll in!

it's ok to say it, i am pretty fucking awesome.

gracias!

i would just like to take this moment to THANK drunk guy for his wise superbowl picks. as i type this, i am bathing in liquified hundred dollar bills and drinking a 2 gallon caboblogo purchased with my super bowl winnings. oh yeah, and i bought a new house today. and a new car. and i told my job to fuck off.

how much did i win, you ask?

well, fuckhead, you would KNOW FOR YOURSELF if you bet your life's savings as i did!!!

LISTEN TO THE CABOMASTERS!

die, fuckshit.

FUCK BLOCKBUSTER!

so the cabomistress and i decide to get a movie one night. i've never seen any of the lord of the anal rings shit, so we go to get the first one.

out.

so i say fuck it, i heard they stand alone as seperate movies so i'll just watch the first one at a later date. let's get the two towers.

so we get it home and the stupid fucking INCOMPETENT blockbuster employee forgot to take out the fucking yellow thingy that does god(sammy) knows what?!?! you know what it does? it prevents me from watching my fucking movie that i just paid for! fucking bullshit. the cabomistress calls the blockbuster number and the stupid fucking cuervo-drinking rep on the other end says "well you have to bring it to the store so they can undo it."

FUCK THAT!

by this time i am already trashed. so i thinks to myself "what technology could they possibly have at the blockbuster store to undo this thing that i don't have right here in cabocentral? a laser-guided wang missile? check. a yak that shoots mind-bullets? check." so i says to myself, i says "let's fucking WANG IT UP!"

and on display for you here are the results:



i sort of sliced up the discs too a little. but they still play.

i haven't attempted to take them back yet. but when it do i will blame it on the fact that SAMMY (our lord and savior if i need to remind you, you fuck) wasn't displayed during the super bowl halftime show!

outs.