MILLION DOLLAR IDEA!

Fellow drunk-asses! I am here to talk about a problem that we daily drinkers must deal with on a regular basis!

It's a normal Wednesday morning, like the true drunk that you are, you got shitfaced last night (because you can!) and you're feeling a little hung over. (note: we all know that if you are a true drunkard, you don't get hungover even after drinking 20+ beers/waboritas. but i know that not all of you are cabomasters so let's just assume that you are hungover for purposes of discussion.)

so in order to be able to deal with your 9am meeting, you're going to need some pain relief! hit the medicine cabinet, and on every bottle all you see is this:

Alcohol warning: If you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks every day, ask your doctor whether you should take ibuprofen or other pain relievers/fever reducers. Ibuprofen may cause stomach bleeding.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!?! WHAT KIND OF PUSSY ONLY CONSUMES 3 DRINKS A DAY?!?

i'll tell you what it is...it's a government conpiracy! it's discrimination! it's BULLSHIT!

so here's my million dollar idea. ALCOHOL-SAFE OTC DRUGS!!!! that's right kids. headache? pop away! sore throat got you down? chug some CaboWabitussen!

Now, you're probably asking "Won't that take a lot of research and development to create drugs that are safe for heavy drinkers?"

CREATE?!?! are you crazy?

i'm not creating shit...besides a fucking GOLDMINE! you and I know that the current OTC offerings are fine (shit, i've been addicted to pain killers for years, has my stomach bled once? hell no!)

I'm just taking the existing drugs, removing the alcohol warning and RE-BRANDING them! and watching the money roll in!

it's ok to say it, i am pretty fucking awesome.