DISCUSS

The forums at www.cabomasters.com are now open!

LET THE DISCUSSIONS BEGIN!

fuck haloscan!

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MORE PROOF?!?!

not sure how many of you caught THE LORD on stern this morning. stern called him about the VH reunion, and then came an interesting twist. howard asked sammy about his abduction by aliens. here's a transcript of this portion of the interview:

HS: hey by the way sammy you know what we never talk about?
SH: what?
HS: remember when you were abducted by aliens when you were like 18?
SH: yeah.
HS: listen to this…this is sammy talking about when he got abducted.
"Back in 1968 in Fontana CA, I had this unbelievable experience. It was so unbelievable you’re gonna think I’m crazy, BUT I was contacted 3 or 4 different times. I received information that has been valuable in my life from those people. But they used me. I’m gonna sound like a complete nut here, but they used me in an experimental fashion. The easiest way to put it is, they downloaded my brain information. When I was about 19 or 20, the aliens downloaded everything that was in my head, and I caught ‘em doing it. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking what the hell is going on and they were like “oh my god, he’s waking up.” But this was all telepathy, there were no words being spoken. And as soon as I woke up, it was probably three o clock in the morning and my whole room is so bright that I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was wide awake, I could not move my eyes, white rooom, and and everything they were doing… I was shaking, I almost passed out. I almost had to throw up I was sick to my stomach.
I don’t know who the fuck they are but I’ve narrowed them down to a people called The Nine…who are called that because they are from the 9th dimension. I’ve named my publishing company The Nine Music after them. It’s a crazy thing, man, but to me, anyone who thinks we’re the only ones here despite the vastness of the entire universe is fucking crazy.

Howard then goes on to say that sammy’s crazy and they joke around. Then robin jumps in.

RQ: and what thing did he learn from them that he used in his life?
SH: me?
RQ: yeah, you said they gave you things that you’ve used in your life?
SH: yeah. Everything.
RQ: Like what?
SH: Everything. If you look at anything that I’ve done, Robin, it’s everything. It’s made me who I am, and how I think. And I can’t help it.
HS: what did they look like?
SH: can’t see ‘em.
HS: only thoughts.
SH: yeah. Yeah. It’s just energy.
HS: you might be insane.
RQ: how many times did they contact you and how do they contact you?
SH: I only know about 3 or 4, and they just do it when they want.

----end-----

after reading that, i seriously don't know how anyone could question that Lord Sammy is blessed with supernatural powers! He breathed life into an agave plant and was able to create Cabo Wabo tequila. He breathed life into an 8 years dormant Van Halen! He breathed life into my drinking problem! If this is not proof enough, then I hope you all burn in HELL (aka jose cuervo manufacturing plant).

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THE LORD IS COMING!!!!

"We are all drunk on Cabo Wabo!"

Be watchful, The Lord is coming soon to a town near you!

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UPCOMING BEER WARS?

cabo wabo cerveza? i am still researching this. i e-mailed paula about it, and her reply was:

"Unfortunately, the cerveza never came to fruit. Sorry!"

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! DETAILS PLEASE! never came to fruit as in what?

was once in limited production?
was once only served in the cantina?
was the lord's idea but never entered production?

i need these fucking details. so i replied, but have still never heard back. so i ordered the cabo wabo cerveza t-shirt and it arrived the other day! here's the pic of the bottles on the back....

I'm just guessing here, but it looks to me that at ONE TIME this beer actually existing but for some reason or another was discontinued! There seems to have been a lot of thought put into the design of the cap, the design of the bottles, etc...plus, why sell a t-shirt of something that never existed?

The true question is why? We may never know. Hopefully, one day, the Lord will enlighten us regarding the Cabo Wabo Cerveza.

In other news, some manbitches have shut down cabomasters.com over some "billing dispute". BILLING DISPUTE?!?!?! TOUGH NUTS doesn't need to pay! I AM A CABOMASTER!

And last but certainly not least, the CABOMISTRESS is now blogging!

the movement is growing. the lord will be pleased!

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THE LORD SPEAKETH!

click the pic to view a scene from the Lord's Last Meltdown (aka last supper) with his Apostles (aka the waboritas).

quicktime is required to view His Holiness.
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ULTIMATE TEQUILA WAR?

So, as mentioned earlier today, tequila night was cancelled, yet the CaboMistress and I still decided to go to the bar/restaurant for dinner! If I am not mistaken, we performed the greatest tequila war EVER!!!!!! Here is a brief recap, I don't really remember all the details of every tequila, but I will try...

We start with a couple Pacifico beers, very good. Next round, I order Casa Real Blanco and the CaboMistress orders Cabo Wabo Reposado! I envy her choice. The Casa Real is not so hot really. The Cabo Wabo is awesome, as usual!

We order our food, and we decide to try their margaritas. The waiter asks "Any particular tequila you would like in them? We use Cuervo Tradicional..." I shake my head vigoursly "no no no no, we'll have Cabo Wabo." "Blanco?" "No, the Reposado." this was a sign of things to come. (foreshadowing).

We enjoy our Pacificos, and the margaritas arrive. first sip = sour mix. 50th sip = sour mix! Now, this place was VERY authentic mexican, I honestly CANNOT believe that they would KILL the lord's tequila with cheap sour mix. fuck, the place is CALLED "tequilas". what the fuck? keep in mind, I was in disguise (i.e. I didn't wear my tough nuts CaboMaster football jersey) as I didn't want preferential treatment. so at this fucking point, i didn't want to break character and flip out like a ninja and chop heads...so we just kept our mouths shut and finished our meal.

meal + tequila + beer + margarita + tip = $190.

so we decide to head up to the bar.

we order 2 pacificos and i order a Paradiso Anejo and the CaboMistress orders a Cabo Wabo, but the bartender recommends she try a Cazadores Reposado. The bartender is like "you guys really like that Cabo Wabo? I bought a bottle once and was so disappointed. I hated it. It's overpriced, there's so many more tequilas you can get for cheaper."

OK, i TRIED to stay in character all night, but this just put me over the edge. I have some stupid motherFUCKER who uses SOURMIX to make a margarita, and now he's DISRESPECTING NOT ONLY ME, BUT MY LORD AND SAVIOR?!?!?!

so i stand up on my barstool and scream "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU" and proceed to strangle him to death.

tough nuts = NEW BARTENDER!

so, let the tequila tastings begin (as if they hadn't already). in between rounds we had a sampling of the owner's personal stash of puerto viejo blanco (i'm sure this was a gesture of thanks for myself and the cabomistress being so kind to make our appearance). we then tried chinaco blanco and corazon blanco. at this point i spit on the corpse of the bartender and paid my bill:

beers + tequilas = $110!

a $300 night.

HOLY FUCKING FUCK!!!!

all that for a dinner and a bunch of tequilas that COULD NOT STAND UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF CABO WABO!!!!!!

let's recap:

casa real blanco - pretty harsh. no way it can handle the Lord
casta reposado - alright. i honestly don't recall much about this one.
corralejo reposado - ok. still not even close
paradiso anejo - damn good. and it fucking better be for $22.50. the bartender even warned me after i ordered it, "you know we charge a lot more for this?" yes, i'm aware fucknuts! but, as i've mentioned before i think i am more of a blanco/reposado person than anejo. this anejo was aged FIVE years in cognac barrels. and you know what it tastes like? cognac. if i want to drink cognac, i'll order a cognac. if i want tequila? give me a blanco or a reposado, you know?
cazadores reposado - honestly, i've never had this before, but this was seriously gonna be the next bottle that i purchase. i've heard it's pretty solid, the cabomistress liked it and i thought it was pretty solid tequila. and i think it goes for around $30 bottle around here. pretty damn good. better than cantera.
puerto viejo - pretty damn good blanco. not as good as cabo wabo blanco. but some solid shit that i'm sure i'll never find around here again! but i would like to...seems real authentic. good agave flavor.
corazon blanco - once again, corazon makes a real fucking good tequila. in Tequila War EC, i believe corazon reposado placed 2nd. the corazon blanco did not disappoint. of course, it could not topple the champion but did a formidable job. nice work.
chinaco blanco - got this cause radkow had tried the anejo and said it was pretty good. the blanco was solid. but not as solid as the other blancos (well, better than the casa real, but that was it).

so, one human and eight tequilas were destroyed tonight. cabo wabo rulez over all! Sammy Is Lord!

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TEQUILA NIGHT = CANCELLED!

so i get a message this morning from Manuel asking me to call him back. So i do. here's the conversation.

Tough Nuts: "Can i speak to Manuel please?"
Manuel: "yes, mr. nuts...thank you for the return of call. i am so sorry mr. nuts, but we are being having to cancel de tequila night tonight."
Tough Nuts: "cancel?"
Manuel: "yes mr. nuts. you are to see, we had a group of the 8 cancel this morning. you must understand that cannot hold a tequila night for such a small group. please mr. nuts, do not hurt me, i am only try doing my job."
Tough Nuts: "manuel, do not be afraid, i will spare your life, IF and ONLY IF you give me the names of the 8 cancellations..."
Manuel: "their names? mr. nuts, I am not sure i would be can do that. "
Tough Nuts: "the NAMES manuel. you love your family, right?"
Manuel: "yes mr. nuts. my family is very dear to me. ok. i will give the names. thanking you mr. nuts. thank you for being so forgiving and with the kindness."
Tough Nuts: "lates!"

So i get the names and told my boss I am taking the afternoon off so I can HUNT DOWN and KILL the fuckers that cause TEQUILA NIGHT CANCELLATION!!!!

We're still going anyway, just to have dinner and drink their tequila! It just doesn't include the tequila seminar. Instead, I guess I will have to do an impromptu onecomment here.

CABO WABO CERVEZA?

Can someone fill me in here? I've seen this shirt on the Cabo Wabo merchandise site, and the description reads:

""Two Heads are Better than One", especially when you are talking about the newest Cabo Wabo beers...Natural Blond and Platinum Blond Lagers. White t-shirt with Cabo Wabo Cerveza logo on the front and two heads quote with beer bottles on back. "

does this actually exist? has anyone tried it? where can i get it? el bobbo? drunkard? anyone?

comment here.

FOUND?!?!

is the search over?

PA has been slowly loosening their liquor laws over the years. A few months ago I heard they were selling stuff online, but ONLY through the LCBs site. And only certain PREMIUM wines (at least that's what i thought). So i check the site today and they are selling wines AND spirits. intriguing. so i check out their available tequilas and RIGHT at the top, cabo wabo milenia anejo! and the picture is of the MILENIO bottle!

ok, so it's $90 + tax & shipping, but i could not pass it up. now, i'm THINKING that it's probably the normal anejo, and they just haven't updated their product pics, but i'm not sure. I'm pretty sure they only started this site like 6 months ago. The new cabo wabo bottles came out in 2002 if I'm not mistaken...so does this mean that the PA LCB has a stockpile of milenia anejo?!??! could this be the motherload?!?! either way, i will find out in two days when it gets here! if, indeed, it IS the milenio, that would be a sweet steal! and would lead to yet ANOTHER tequila war:

cabo wabo anejo vs. cabo wabo anejo.

in other news, i picked up some don julio blanco today, in anticipation of a weekend tequila war. i had some on the rocks with a bit of lime, pretty damn good! tequila war results will be posted, as always!

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BEST DRINK EVER!

liquid gold

this weekend the cabomistress and i had to make our way through jersey, so i decided to stop at the ONLY liquor store in the tri-state area that i know of that carries anejo to see if they have any.

LOW AND BEHOLD: last fucking bottle! awesome shit!

$70. take the bottle up to the cashier and she gives me the "CABOMASTER DISCOUNT": 15% off! nice fucking hit! i tip her $5 just for sensing that a CaboMaster was in her presence...she obviously doesn't KNOW me, cause i VERY rarely go in there...the power of Sammy must be strong with her.

Anyway, the only problem with this is, I want CaboBloggos NOW!!!!! but can't, cause I have to wait 6 hours till we get home. We finally arrive home and proceed to experience the most amazing drink in the history of time and space: the CaboBloggo!

now, i know not many people read this blog, but those who do. PLEASE fucking sign the petition to get this drink added to the Cabo Wabo Cantina. Shit, the link is in The Bible too, and we only have 27 signatures?!?!? SURELY sammy's disciples are more numerous than that! vote early and often. let's fucking get it going!

One more thing...last week I was sick, felt major flu-like symptoms coming on...tons of nasty bullshit. Sammy guided me on a tequila shopping spree and I went through the shortest sickness ever! VITAMIN T!!!!!

5 days till Tequila Night. I can't fucking wait!

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ULTIMATE TEQUILA WAR?!?!?!

ALERT! the cabomistress and I were looking for a good mexican place to go to this upcoming weekend, so i immediately thought of a place called "Tequilas". so i go to their site to check it out and notice they are having a TEQUILA NIGHT upcoming. i shit my pants instantaneously! here is the description of their tequila night:

"Los Catrines / Tequila's restaurant invites you to participate in a fun and educational evening. On selected Monday nights starting from 6pm we lock the doors of "EL PATRON" (our private dining room). Those lucky enough to be inside will enjoy a special feast put together by Chef Carlos Molina, followed by a seminar on the all mighty "Tequila". The objective is to examine the roots or origins of Tequila. Learn about distilleries, the makers, and their methods as we go behind the scenes. And, we will put emphasis on creating an appreciation for tequila as a stand alone liqour, while examining it's complexities when infused into exotic dishes.

This promises to be an excellent and educational feast. Reserve Now! Seating is limited."

let's just ignore the fact that their private room is called EL PATRON for a second...seats are limited to 12 per tequila night, which occurs approx once every 3 months or so...they are also $100 a seat, but i figure if we went there on a normal weekend we would probably spend that much, and not get the benefit of the seminar. so why the fuck not?!?!

so i call them and reserve two spots...no problem...which leads me to believe we'll be the only ones there! EVEN BETTER! this place is fucking legit...examine their tequila list. cabo wabo is represented of course, as is the herradura seleccion suprema at $45 a fucking glass! holy shit!

anyway...i'm thinking this could be the ultimate tequila war. the guy on the phone said "we have some new tequilas in that i think you will really enjoy." i can't wait to go in there, and when they try to introduce us to a new tequila, i will say "blind taste test." i'm gonna bring my own bottle of cabo with me for the blind taste tests, and i'll make them participate so i can show them that lord sammy RULEZ OVER ALL!

then. when they are drunk after trying repeatedly to defeat cabo wabo with other tequilas, i will bludgeon them to death with the empty Cabo bottle and declare CABO WABO as supreme ruler over all!!!!!

"YOU FUCKERS WILL BURN IN HELL WITH JOSE, WHILE SAMMY REWARDS ME IN THE AFTERLIFE WITH ENDLESS SUPPLIES OF CABO WABO!!!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE BURN!"

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HOLY FUCKING FUCK

holy fucking fuck

HOLY FUCKING FUCK

another CaboMaster summit? please advise.

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TEQUILA SHOWDOWN AT HIGH NOON

you want some of this, bitch?

In my unending quest to continually prove Cabo Wabo KING OF ALL TEQUILAS i performed another tequila showdown.

I was off from work today, so i decided to have a HIGH NOON showdown. Last night I went on a tequila shopping spree. Well, actually I went to the store to buy Cabo and decided that it would be good to get something else as well. Lately, Cabo has been fucking kicking ASS in tequila wars (over Cantera Anejo and Herencia Reposado)...I mean, those weren't even close. I was looking for a worthy contender.

Tequila selection where I am is pretty limited, which blows. I am just thankful I can find Cabo at all, really. So i'm staring down the tequila shelves, and examining the available opponents, and i see a healthy section of Herradura. Now, Drunk Guy has already had a war with Herradura Reposado, and Cabo was victorious (obviously). I had a shot of Herradura Blanco the other day at Chilis, and while it was pretty good, I already knew it wouldn't be able to stand up to the test. So I decide to up the stakes. I chose Herradura Anejo:

Admittedly, in recent tequila wars, the cards have kinda been stacked against the contenders. Cabo out here goes for $45-50. The Herencia and Cantera were maybe $30-35...Plus, I wanted to pit a well known Anejo against the Cabo Reposado.

Last night I did a shot of the Herradura and I must say I was pretty impressed (I was also trashed cause I'd had 4 waboritas and many Coronas). I knew it would be up to the challenge. So today I look online for some reviews of the Herradura Anejo and come across the following. Now, this guy had just tasted like 7 tequilas before giving this review, so he must be trashed...i think it shows in his review:

"Though it was a great line up, this was the star of the show. Vanilla, barrel, mint, the balance and subtlety was superb and the finish, well, it moved me viscerally. I felt like I had just released a bird from my hands and it was flying, flying away. Come back! (Rating *****)"

Huh? When i taste a tequila I rarely feel as if I've released a bird from my hands! Keep smoking pot, dude! Anyway, I knew that the Herradura Anejo would put up a good fight.

So I stage a tequila war. Cabo Wabo Blanco vs Cabo Wabo Reposado vs Herradura Anejo. Blind taste test. Since the CaboMistress is not here, this was kind of hard to accomplish, since I had to mix the shots around without looking and walk into the room with my eyes closed bumping into things and shit, but rest assured, it was a true blind taste test.

The results were surprising and amazing.

No, non-believer, Cabo Wabo was NOT defeated...Cabo Wabo Reposado was declared champion, once again. BUT, the Herradura Anejo snuck in a surprising second place finish over the Cabo Wabo Blanco. Maybe this isn't so amazing, a quality anejo should really always be smoother than a blanco. And it always, of course, depends on the tasters preference...smoothness over agave flavor? spice over mild flavor? What's more amazing, really, is that Cabo Wabo Reposado continues to dominate. It's unbeaten streak is unmatched by any other tequila. Once again, Sammy welcomed the challenge and prevailed.

Never doubt the power of Cabo Wabo.

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BACK FROM THE MOUNTAIN!

tough nuts meditates on the mountain while listening to the Red Rocker

It's been a few weeks since my last post. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Re-connecting with Sammy, and with Cabo. Let me tell you a story.

Last weekend, the CaboMistress and I were on the way home and were in the mood for chilling out and having some mexican food and margaritas. We both had the same thought: we'd try this new mexican place in the area called Johnny Cabo's. It has Cabo in the name so it must be fucking awesome, right? Well, we may never know since they were closed at 3pm on a Sunday. They were set to open at 4. no way I'm waiting....i need alcohol.

So, I decide to go to Chili's. Mexican flava, margaritas, everything will be OK. So we go in there and examine the Margarita selection (of course they don't have Cabo, but i really didn't expect them to)...I decide to try their 3Gs margarita...made with Sauza Tres Generaciones, Tuaca and fresh lime juice. As you may recall from tequila showdown EC, I found Tres to be a pretty solid tequila, so I figured their margarita would be alright.

FUCKING DEAD WRONG

how fucking HARD is it to make a decent margarita? apparently impossible since these fucking places fuck these things up REPEATEDLY!!!! chilis is all happy cause "it's a 21 oz margarita". yeah. fucking 3 oz of tequila and 18 oz of SOUR MIX! not fresh lime juice by any fucking stretch of the imagination. so as the CaboMistress and I sat there sipping our sour mix extravaganza, I thought.

I thought long and hard.

And then Sammy touched me.

Education and enlightenment. This is my calling in life. He said "You did alright last year, my son. For a rookie CaboMaster, you performed a good amount of conversions, but I am challenging you. You must spread the word."

And the Lord gave me yet another million dollar idea.

This may take years to accomplish, but I am focused on getting the job done...for Sammy.

No details yet, as planning is in its VERY early stages, but, like Drunkard's tequila, more details will be revealed as the date approaches.

side note: i am on waborita #3 right now and this is seriously a fucking magical drink. if you'd like to comment, please use Kai's blog.