CABORIFIC!

ok, last weekend was another caborific weekend!

thursday: we go to see blur. we decide to hit this bar beforehand. i order up some beers and my girl says: "hey look, they have cabo".
ok. marriage. let's talk about it. fucking she picked OUT the cabo bottle without having much cabo experience! so i'm like "well, we have to do a shot." they had blanco and reposado. so she says "OK". again. wedding bells. at the cabo wabo cantina. we do the shot, happiness ensues. fucking awesome

friday: i talked about it below. fuck off.

saturday: she wants to go to get some mexican food. i am totally down. we go to don pablos. i inspect the menu for their margaritas. all i see is the devil's name. cuervo. fuck. me. death.
waitress comes and asks for our drinks.
me: "is cuervo pretty much the only tequila you have?"
her: "no, we have anything you want."
me: "are you sure about that?"
her: "what are you looking for?"
me: "cabo wabo."
her: "yeah, we have that!"
me (in head): "FUCKING NICE!!!!!!!"

so we order up some of their "preferred margaritas" made with cabo. have one of the best meals of my life. the fucking bartender comes out and starts talking to me about tequila and he's like "are there any other tequilas you're interested in?"

me: "AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED THIS IS THE ONLY TEQUILA OUT THERE, MOTHERFUCKER!!! SO GO BACK BEHIND THE BAR WHERE YOU BELONG AND POUR SOME MORE CUERVO SHOTS FOR THE MERE MORTALS!!! OH YEAH, DIE YOUNG!!!!"

so, we had a pretty caborific weekend. thursday, friday and saturday were full of cabo!

OH SHIT!!!!! ALMOST FORGOT!

after don pablos we went out to a bar and put some tunes on the jukebox and of COURSE we fucking put on:

SAMMY HAGAR & THE WABORITAS: MAS TEQUILA

it's ok to be jealous of me....

another one bites the dust

ok, i told you about my "portable waborita" experience. well, to be honest, i don't think it went all that well. she got drunk, but wasn't able to fully realize the power and smoothness of the drink. so a week later, i bring her over to wangCentral for a TRUE waborita experience.
ok.
BUT!
i have no reposado. i go to my liquor store. none. i go to the liquor store 15 minutes from me. none. i plan on picking her up at 7 so i figure i'd hit some liquor stores on the way. nope. traffic.

FUCK!

go to dinner. on the way back we hit like 3-4 places! finally we find someone with the reposado! VICTORY!

ok, so we arrive back at wangCentral. conditions are ideal for waboritas. i make the first drink. not so hot a pour, but a great drink. NOW she realizes the power of cabo. she knew before (please see next blog post), but now she knows why i fucking worship the shit!

here's a pic:



AWESOME!!!!

portable cabo

friends...been a whiles. i been busy with whatever, but you don't care so fuck it. let me tell you about my idea friday though.
a friend and I had planned to go to the beach, since i've been wanting to go so bad for a while but just haven't been able to cause i'm so busy. i've also been trying to get this friend to try cabo for like 2 weeks. so my brainstorm is, "i will mix up some waboritas, place them in water bottles and stick them in a cooler and we'll drink them at the beach."
now, this is a touchy touchy touchy subject. i usually only perform conversions under IDEAL circumstances. i will admit, sipping cabo out of a plastic water bottle is FAR from ideal. BUT, it IS cabo we're speaking of. i consulted a fellow cabomaster regarding the situation, and he advised me to proceed as planned. he too was confident that the strength of sammy would shine through in even the most unfavorable conditions.
so i mix up the waboritas, prepare the bottles. i was able to fit about 4 waboritas in each bottle! FUCKING AWESOME!!!! i warned my friend when we got down there that if she drank the entire thing we'd probably end up at the hospital getting her stomach pumped!
now, when i made these and poured them in the bottle, i did a taste test, to make sure hers wasn't too strong. it was pretty f'ing strong (i calculated approx. 27-30% alcohol.) and i used my standard waborita recipe. but here's my theory on the "strength" of the drink:
when i usually make a waborita, it is poured into a martini glass. a martini glass has a large opening, which i believe dissipates the alcohol smell (relative strength) well.
in a water bottle, however, there's only that little hole for the scent to dissipate from. so i believe the smell is stronger, hence the 'relative strength'.

i swear, if i don't fucking win a nobel prize for this important research i'm gonna fucking kill someone.

ok, so we get to the beach and break out the waborita bottles. to me, they taste awesome (keep in mind, mine was made with blanco, hers with reposado and anejo, so she basically had a fucking $40 bottle of liquid gold).
initially, she was taken aback, i think by the sheer power that she was feeling. but, like a true cabo devotee, she didn't fear the power. instead, she embraced it. she fought through the cloud of "lies and deceit" re: tequila and found her own path to enlightenment.
another conversion.
another disciple of sammy.
thank you for listening. time for a shot of blanco!

me = self-checkout KING!

oh shit. almost forgot. as you all know i go to get a salad almost daily at lunch and am very proud of my self-checkout powers!

well, my boss has been talking up his shit too. so one day we go and he's like "how are you paying today? cash?" and i'm like "shit, bitch, you want to take me on??! BRING IT!"

now usually i have a 5 dollar bill (cause my shit always comes in under that), but on this occassion i only had ones (must've been at the strip bar the night before). so i'm at a little bit of a disadvantage already.

we wait in line, and let other people go before us until we can get two of the terminals next to each other at the same time.

alright...the time has come. i fucking hit the "BEGIN" button. before the stupid fucking computer even gets out two words i hit the "Produce/No Barcode" chumpy.

i fucking place my salad right on the thing and as SOON as the selection screen comes up i hit salad bar. my boss is still trying to figure out if his salad has a bar code at this point! and my shit's already been weighed and in the BAG! FUCK, I'M GOOD!!!

i hit "End order" wit da quicknez, then fucking say "NO" to bonus savings card and coupons, and proceed to choose my payment method (cash).

at this point my boss's salad is still being weighed on the scale. so i go over and start flirting with one of the hot grocery store employees. i get her number and then head back to the terminal to insert my bills one at a time.

of course, being the SUPER BAD SALAD BAR MOTHERFUCKER that i am, my salad total (with tax) came to EXACTLY $3 so no need for change...i just grab my receipt and my victory and continue going through life knowing that i am the BEST SELF-CHECKOUT LINE PERSON EVER!!!

this skill will come in handy when i get fired.

shit!

it's been a long fucking time. i've been busy as shit. i know that's no excuse. let's see. where have i been in the last two weeks? shit i don't even know. here's the most important thing:

I AM DRINKING A WABORITA RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!

my second one of the night and i am a little buzzed. i haven't slept barely at all in the last week....
i noticed that my fellow cabomaster has performed tequila showdown #1.

i had an impromptu showdown of sorts this past weekend. i was out playing a gig, and in between sets went out to the bar on the patio or whatever cause it was hot as fuck inside. asked for a yuengling lager. i had already had a waborita or 2 earlier in the day. the bartender proceeds to tell me that they don't serve bottles out on the deck. WELL FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! so i just go "alright give me a shot of tequila." of course the only piss-shit they have is cuervo.

but i do it, just to show all fucking non-believers that the strength that cabo gives me allows me to CONQUER ALL FUCKING TEQUILAS BEYOND TIME AND SPACE AND LEAVE SMASHED AND EMPTY SHOT GLASSES IN MY WAKE AS I PROCEED TO MECCA (cabo wabo cantina).

so the jose shot arrives. no licking. no sucking. just slamming that piece of shit. and fucking RULING OVER IT FOR ALL OF ETERNITY!

fuck, i think the girl next to me fainted because of my awesome display of power. so i kicked her while she was passed out on the ground.

then i screamed "SAMMY!!! YOU ARE ALL POWERFUL!!!! JOSE IS SATAN!!!!!!"

people looked at me funny. so i killed them.