me = self-checkout KING!

oh shit. almost forgot. as you all know i go to get a salad almost daily at lunch and am very proud of my self-checkout powers!

well, my boss has been talking up his shit too. so one day we go and he's like "how are you paying today? cash?" and i'm like "shit, bitch, you want to take me on??! BRING IT!"

now usually i have a 5 dollar bill (cause my shit always comes in under that), but on this occassion i only had ones (must've been at the strip bar the night before). so i'm at a little bit of a disadvantage already.

we wait in line, and let other people go before us until we can get two of the terminals next to each other at the same time.

alright...the time has come. i fucking hit the "BEGIN" button. before the stupid fucking computer even gets out two words i hit the "Produce/No Barcode" chumpy.

i fucking place my salad right on the thing and as SOON as the selection screen comes up i hit salad bar. my boss is still trying to figure out if his salad has a bar code at this point! and my shit's already been weighed and in the BAG! FUCK, I'M GOOD!!!

i hit "End order" wit da quicknez, then fucking say "NO" to bonus savings card and coupons, and proceed to choose my payment method (cash).

at this point my boss's salad is still being weighed on the scale. so i go over and start flirting with one of the hot grocery store employees. i get her number and then head back to the terminal to insert my bills one at a time.

of course, being the SUPER BAD SALAD BAR MOTHERFUCKER that i am, my salad total (with tax) came to EXACTLY $3 so no need for change...i just grab my receipt and my victory and continue going through life knowing that i am the BEST SELF-CHECKOUT LINE PERSON EVER!!!

this skill will come in handy when i get fired.