I AM SO FUCKING SMART!

in the last 2 days, i have been superfuckingtrashed. in that time, i've developed TWO groundbreaking million dollar ideas!!!! they say that humans only use 10% of their brain, i probably only use about 1% cause the other 99% is constantly focused on killing manbitches and getting really fucking hammered. despite this, i am still able to generate million dollar ideas while others can't even fucking use their turn signal!!!! it is a good thing i am around to kill them! ok, that said, let's get to the idears!

first. the bizarro microwave! have you ever bought beer at the store (not from the cooler) only to get home and realize you have no cold beers waiting in the fridge? i have. usually, i would have to put some beers in the freezer and wait 15-20 minutes before i could enjoy an ice cold pacifico. OR my super-alcoholic tendencies would kick in and i would just end up drinking it warm cause my body craved the alcohol. well, NO MORE!!! you know how microwaves heat stuff up quick? well, it's just the opposite with the bizarro microwave. 30 seconds? cold beer. 2 minutes? a tray of ice cubes. fucking crisp an cold.
because, if you'll all recall my first attempt at making waboritas, i was ice cube deficient! with the bizarrowave, that would no longer be a problem!!!!

second idea. they have TV cards for computers. but your computer has to be near a cable outlet if you want to watch TV on it! WE LIVE IN THE WIRELESS AGE, FUCKOS!!!! so! i have developed a device that sits between your cable box and your TV that can encode and stream the TV signal to any wireless-equipped laptop within range. i call this device THE GREATEST INVENTION EVER FUCKING INVENTED! right now, i'm upstairs in my room typing this...i don't have a TV up here, or a fucking cable jack! fuck that shit, wires are for pussies! what if i want to bring up a window and watch some tube while i blog away? I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT! THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY (for now...until Lord Sammy takes over and turns the nation into one giant agave farm!)

ok. go ahead and say it. i am awesome.

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